Sis, That Wasn’t Love — That Was Survival Disguised as Connection✨
Let’s keep it all the way real: some of us were taught that chaos was chemistry, that suffering meant love, and that “ride or die” meant tolerating toxicity. But sis, you’re not here to survive love — you’re here to thrive in it.
This post is your reminder that healing changes your taste, and love — real love — should feel like truth, not tension. We’re moving from trauma responses to truth-based relationships. That old love script? We’re rewriting it, line by line, in your power and on your terms.
“Healthy love honors your peace, not just your presence.”
“Just because you were loyal to pain doesn’t mean you owe it your future.”
🧠 Mindset Shift: From Bonded by Trauma to Anchored in Truth
Old Programming:
“I’m used to intense connections, even when they hurt.”
New Reality: “I deserve love that’s calm, clear, and consistent — not conditional.”
Old Programming:
“If they need me, they won’t leave me.”
New Reality: “My value isn’t in being needed — it’s in being seen, heard, and respected.”t you remember who the hell you are, and who you still get to become.
💥 Bonus: Red Flags vs Green Flags Snapshot
Red Flags (Trauma Bonded Love)
- Love bombing followed by withdrawal
- Jealousy masked as “protection”
- Inconsistency and excuses
- Guilt-tripping and emotional manipulation
- Always feeling anxious, never settled
Green Flags (Truth-Aligned Love)
- You feel seen, not just useful
- Honest, open communication
- Emotional safety and respect
- Consisten actions over performative gestures
- Shared values and vision
“Love that drains you isn’t love — it’s a trauma bond dressed in romance.”
🔄 Action Plan: Steps Toward Truth-Aligned Love
- Name the Pattern
- Are you drawn to chaos? Do you confuse drama with passion? Journal the patterns you’ve normalized.
- Unlearn to Relearn
- Read up on trauma bonding, attachment styles, and codependency. Knowing better is doing better.
- Reparent Yourself
- Give yourself what you needed when you first learned love. Nurture that inner child who thought love had to hurt.
- Set Sacred Standards
- Healthy love has boundaries, not blurred lines. Make a list of how you want love to feel — and don’t settle for less.
- Practice Receiving What’s Good
- Don’t run from kind, steady love. Let it in. Let it disprove your fears.
📣 Call to Action: It’s Time to Choose Truth
Your healing is not the problem — it’s the protection. Stop apologizing for evolving past pain. Start demanding love that aligns with who you’re becoming, not who you had to be to survive.
Share your new standard.
Write a love letter to your future self. Share your story with The Collective and inspire another woman. Or drop a comment and let us know the new standard you’re establishing for yourself.
💌 Have a story? Don’t keep that magic to yourself because your breakthrough might be the next sis’s lifeline.
📝 Journal Prompts to Set You Free
- When did I first learn that love = pain or sacrifice?
- What does emotionally safe love look like to me now?
- What am I afraid will happen if I stop overgiving?
- How can I give myself the kind of love I’ve been searching for in others?
- What relationships currently align with my truth — and which ones still echo my trauma?
Sis, You Betta! 
Sis, share your thoughts in the comments—let’s talk!