✨ The Truth in Your Feels
Sis, let’s not play. We’ve all been there — lying in bed, playlist on shuffle (probably some moody Summer Walker or vintage Keyshia Cole), wondering if those butterflies are from love… or from the anxiety of being alone again.
Sometimes what feels like love is just a soft distraction from our own reflection. It’s that moment when a “Hey stranger” text feels like salvation instead of a red flag wrapped in emotional confusion. But we’re not doing that anymore. Not in this chapter of your evolution.
This post is for the girlies who are brave enough to ask the hard question:
“Do I really love him/her/them… or do I just hate being by myself?”
Let’s dig deep, get real, and reclaim your emotional clarity. Because when you know the difference, you take your power back. 💅🏾
“Sis, don’t confuse a warm body with a full heart.”
💅🏾 (Because company and connection are not the same.)
💭 Mindset Shifts: From Fear-Based Choices to Soul-Deep Clarity
1. Loneliness ≠ Lack of Worth
Loneliness is a feeling, not a fact. Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you’re unworthy, unwanted, or unloved. Real love should enhance your peace, not fill a void.
Shift it: “I deserve love that adds to my joy, not distracts me from my wounds.”
2. Connection Isn’t Always Compatibility
Just because you vibe with someone doesn’t mean you’re aligned. Emotional chemistry can feel electric and still be unhealthy.
Shift it: “I choose partnerships that reflect my healing, not my history.”
3. Time Invested ≠ Reason to Stay
Don’t let sunk cost keep you stuck. You don’t owe forever to someone just because you gave them your yesterday.
Shift it: “My peace is worth more than my past.”g glow-up?
“Love should feel like alignment, not anxiety.”
💖 (Repeat it every time your gut says something’s off.)
✨ Activities to Check Your Feelings
🔍 The Emotional Litmus Test
Before texting them back or spiraling into your thoughts:
- Ask: “Would I still want this relationship if I were completely emotionally fulfilled and happy on my own?”
- Rate your response on a scale of 1–10 for clarity. If it’s under a 7, sis… sit with that.
💌 Write an “Unsent Letter”
Pour your heart out. What do you really want to say to them? Now read it back.
- Is it love talking… or loneliness trying to hold on?
- Burn it, rip it, release it — whatever feels good. Let it go.
📵 3-Day No Contact Reset
No texts, no lurking, no “accidental” IG stories meant for him. Get reconnected with your own energy. Observe what comes up — that’s where the work begins.
💼 Action Plan: Clarity Over Confusion
Decide, Don’t Drift: Make an intentional choice — stay and communicate with clarity, or leave with grace. Either way, do it on purpose.
Name It: Is it love, lust, habit, fear, or loneliness? Be honest.
Claim Your Needs: Make a list of non-negotiables in love — not just “tall and fine,” but emotionally available, secure, consistent.
Talk It Out: Share with a trusted friend or therapist — not someone who’ll just echo your confusion.
Create a “Joy Solo” List: Ten things that bring you joy without a partner. Then go do one this week.
📝 Journal Prompts for Radical Honesty
- What do I fear most about being alone?
- What does healthy love look and feel like to me?
- Am I asking someone else to fix parts of me I haven’t healed yet?
- When was the last time I felt peace within myself — not because of someone else?
- What am I trying to prove by staying in this connection?
🗣️ Call to Action: Sis, Choose You — Every Time
Let’s be real: love should never feel like you’re betraying yourself just to keep it. Loneliness will whisper lies, but your intuition knows the truth. This week, I dare you to choose clarity over comfort. To choose growth over grasping. To choose you — fully, fiercely, without apology.
📱 Tag us on socials @sisyoubetta and drop a 💋 if you’re committing to emotional honesty this season.
Because whether it’s love or loneliness, sis, you betta know the damn difference.
💌 Have a story? Don’t keep that magic to yourself because your breakthrough might be the next sis’s lifeline.
Other Resources
Psychology Today – 3 Signs That a Relationship Is Based on Loneliness, Not Love
This article delves into key indicators that might suggest a relationship is driven more by the fear of being alone than genuine affection. It offers practical questions to help individuals assess their emotional motivations.
Explore the complex emotions of loneliness as a black woman, understanding that it’s not just about connection, but embracing your true self …
Why Black Women Settle & The Case For Waiting For Love
Impatience is one of many struggles Black women face during the wait for love.
Sis, You Betta! 
Sis, share your thoughts in the comments—let’s talk!